Vanity inches?

One thing I have a hard time wrapping my head around is certain women's obsession with clothing sizes. Being able to announce to the whole world that you are "a size 2" seems to be the ultimate proof of success in terms of beauty, fitness and self-control among those for whom a random number on a tag carries more weight (no pun intended) than actual measurements.... not to mention than your mirror image.

Let me get this straight. There is:

1. Size 2, height 5 ft.
2. Size 2, height 6 ft.
3. Designer garment size 2.
4. GAP / Old Navy / Strawberry etc size 2.
5. Athletic size 2.
6. Muffin top size 2.
7. Swimsuit model size 2.
8. Cellulite size 2.
9. Pear-shaped size 2.
10. Bean pole size 2.
11. Hourglass size 2.
12. Sturdy size 2.

See my point?! Height, shape, body composition and the actual fit of a garment are what matters, not a number on a tag that no-one ever sees anyway! This goes for all clothing sizes, by the way! Nevertheless, women seem to be continuously fascinated with being a size 0, 2, 4, 6... take your pick. And never missing out on a chance to capitalize on customers' insecurity, retailers have adapted (as we all know) by simply increasing the dimensions of nominal clothing sizes, thus providing instant gratification to ladies who want to appear slimmer but won't lay off the cupcakes.

This is the main reason why shopping online sucks so bad - I always factor in a couple of trips back and forth to UPS (which is all the way in no man's land on the Hudson, north of TriBeCa, west of SoHo and south of the West Village... not exactly a dream location for those of us who live crosstown) to receive and return, and receive and return until I finally get the size of my purchase right. Fortunately, most respectable online boutiques provide sizing charts, meaning your order is fail-proof as long as you know your bust, waist and hip (that would be seat, and not hip bone) measurements... and do I know mine, or what? Thanks to my job, I could probably recite them in my sleep.

Hence, I figured ordering my latest Lilly Pulitzer sale find would be painless and easy (right: Lilly Pulitzer Rawley beaded linen dress with scalloped hem). According to the size chart, a 2 corresponded to measurements 32-25-35 and a 4 to 33.5-26-36. Realizing the smaller size would probably make me look like a stuffed sausage (my numbers are 33.5-25.5-35.5), I went ahead and ordered a 4. Big mistake! When said garment arrived, I found myself literally swimming in it. In fact, after I'd suffered through a couple of returns back and forth as well as a lot of yapping on the phone with customer service, my boyfriend now says even the 2 looks too roomy for my frame (and remember I am 5'9"... if the frock is big on me, it must fit a shorter girl with my measurements like a tent!). Well, I suppose that was bound to happen, considering all the crosstown walking I was forced to do, in order to ship and receive from UPS - it probably made me shed enough weight to fit into a 0! Too bad that size was sold out... and now I can definitely see why.

But seriously? I am familiar with vanity sizes.... but vanity inches? Is this a new sneaky trick used by clothing manufacturers to flatter us and make us believe we are skinnier than the scale and measuring tape are telling us? Inflation of inches rather than clothing sizes?! If so, I hope they stop their experiment ASAP because I found it mad annoying!

To wrap up before this gets too long: on another note, if anyone who's been following my blog for a while is wondering what a less-is-more maniac like yours truly was thinking buying a crazy hot pink, covered-in-beads dress like this one... well, let's just say it's not exactly Lady Gaga garb, so I think I'll be fine! I'm planning to wear it with an old South Sea pearl bracelet, this cute vintage purse from Tillery (left) and some sort of preppy footwear that I will decide on once it gets warmer outside. The Coral Me Crazy flat in oyster by Lilly Pulitzer (right) is indeed a hot candidate... but then, of course, I would have to make my purchase in an actual boutique, rather than online. Or else, the UPS guys will start thinking I have a serious crush on them.


---------------------------------------
P.S. 1) Let's not make the comment field into an "I'm a size this and that" contest... I was just bringing up my measurements to illustrate how retarded the size hysteria has become, and how little this particular store's sizing chart did for me. Thanks and love you all, xoxoxo.

P.S. 2) A certain female celebrity inspired this post... but I'm going to behave like a lady and not mention her name. :)